I can’t keep on as I’ve been going. I can feel the last grains of sand slipping through the hour glass and I really don’t see myself flipping it over again. 

I think I’m going to ride my bike to school from now on. 

I’m so excited for what this week means. Albeit through a slight fog due to extenuating circumstances. I will enjoy it regardless.

Yesterday I printed the thesis for the first time as a double-spaced paper. Sixty seven pages. Six more pages of works cited. It’s the longest consecutive thing with my name on the top. I’m just elated.

Also took a nice long ride around the city that will only be home for a bit longer. Everyone keeps saying that they aren’t going to miss it, but I am. I really am. I’m getting nostalgic and that’s never a good sign, but it’s not something I can help. I still have a somewhat extensive list of things to do before I pack up the Altima for good. Four years seem to have slipped stealthily past. And now well, it’s time to fold everything neatly, tuck it in the boxes and crates, and blow out of here just as quickly as I arrived.

anger.

It’s 9:30am and I’ve just decided that my undergraduate institution is probably one of the sorriest in terms of academic encouragement. The library doesn’t open until 10am on Sunday? Really? Closes at 6pm on Saturday? Wow. Some people wait in line for concerts, sports events, and movie tickets. Some people wait for stores to open on Black Friday, or for the gates to swing open for a new theme park. But, me, I wait for the library to open on a beautiful Sunday morning. Woe is me.

So, in my boredom I clicked onto Fox News and Rush Limbaugh. Here are the late and breaking stories: Biden’s daughter reportedly seen with cocaine (GASP), the Obama-Clinton foreign policy team is an embarrassment and a disaster (!!), and last but not least, Obama is not a Pro-Choice guy, he’s “The Most Anti-Life President Ever” !!! We’re really in trouble now, I’ve never even heard of an anti-life person, this must be SERIOUS. Oh and just in case you were wondering, Global climate change has ALWAYS been about redistribution of the wealth. Those blasted liberals how dare they. Thank you Rush, for spreading your vast and wide knowledge and wisdom.

http://www.rushlimbaugh.com/home/daily/site_032709/content/01125111.guest.html

I can’t sleep.

BCS

Aren’t we having a huge financial crisis? Then why are senators debating the BCS system in a senatorial subcommittee? I am going to go out on a limb and say that politicians do not belong in my sports. I don’t care if Senator Hatch from Utah is still sad that they didn’t get a bid for the national title. Precious (ok are they precious?) tax dollars should not be going to the salaries of these guys so that they can extend into the realm of collegiate sports. Sorry.
I’m at a crossroads of epic proportions. There’s a huge fest tomorrow that I would more than love to take part in, but my thesis is due on Wednesday. Decisions, decisions.

After being completely annoyed and opposed to the entire idea, much less the marketing of the “snuggie,” I tried it out the other day. It is a reverse, fleece robe. I stand by my initial judgement and at least think that if you were going to use something that looks as ridiculous as a backwards robe, it should at least be made of a nice material.

I think it’s weird how different the sky looks from different places, especially at sunset. I’m sure there’s a scientific explanation having to do with moisture and humidity and other environmental factors, but I prefer a more romanticized idea. 

It’s time to make a concerted effort at lessening the daily judgements I pass on others. Then again, it’s a pretty natural part of the human psyche, though what it leads to is so unflattering to the human race.

I’m a bag of nerves.

There’s much to be said for what’s unsaid, portrayed through the iris.

It’s a beautiful day.

I’m not one for negative thoughts. But I don’t think I can do this. I’m going absolutely insane and constantly on the brink of tears. This CAN’T be normal.

U2WOWY

Less than two weeks to finish my thesis (and the stupid historiography paper). How much simpler life will be beginning on April 2.

I’m so very tired. Exhausted really and I don’t know how to proceed from here, it’s dangerous waters and I’m pretty sure that either route will leave me less than healthy. I realize that I have gotten myself to this very precarious situation, but I’ve never really been one for forethought. That, and I don’t look back…usually.

Post-Graduate Education Tour, Take 2. This time it’s down to the nitty-gritty as they say. Goodness gracious. 

So today on the plane, I had the mp3 on just random shuffle of my entire library when I heard a song I haven’t heard since departing Costa Rica. I actually have carefully refused to hear it since sitting in that seat by the window on my way to Houston. It came on today and the most wonderful wave of comfort and nostalgia washed over me, fittingly I was looking at the same cloud-filled landscape I’d been watching the last time. It was so odd though, because as of late, that entire experience feels as if it really is a completely separate entity to my real life. I was a different person altogether, sometimes. I said and did things that I don’t see myself ever doing again. Of course there are remnants that have remained but I feel them slipping, like grains of sand; the tighter you grip, the faster they fall. Remarkably I’ve been back almost the same amount of time that I was gone for, I’m no ready to go back, really. But I am ready to go. Somewhere. 

I had a really empowering lecture from my thesis advisor the other day, that somehow managed to scare me at the same time. In the areas that I lack self-assuredness, he provides it. In times that seem so difficult, he’s able to shine just enough light to illuminate the path I should be taking, without really saying anything at all. The other day, in reference to my ever increasing fear of next year, he said that he holds the view that the human hand has 5 fingers for a reason. That there should always be five people that you can count on no matter what, excluding family. I have not stopped thinking about it since. It’s no secret that I will do just about anything for someone, this has been most visible by my nearly bi-weekly trips home this semester for different occasions for friends and family. It’s not that I really ever feel like I do too much, or that my favors aren’t returned, but I do wonder who in my life would I truly expect the same from. There were people in high school that I thought I would count on forever, but now, of course not. It’s such a weird thing how friendships fade, but makes complete sense judging by the amount of things that change, especially in people. I still maintain that I always imagined that when I grew up, I would somehow see the world differently, that the voices and motivations, interpretations and perspectives would be drastically different. To an extent, I guess that those changes are so subtle that they are barely noticeable in the self– if at all. At the same time though, it seems like everything I see changes, the person I see in the mirror changes, but the person who has always looked out at the world, is exactly the same. So why, then, are my friendships so much different. I think it’s a bit sad that I already know who I will and wont be friends with in a year. I guess I shouldn’t say that with too much conviction, though, because I certainly couldn’t have imagined some of the changes that have occurred in the last year. 

What a completely non-sequitur rant. Point being: five people? Who? Truly, who can I count and rely on in complete and utter confidence? Who expects that of me? When will the bridges and gaps grow and fade and how can you control who will be a part of your life? Or can you? 

Wow I should probably get back to editing.

someone posted this and i liked it. pick an artist, then use titles of songs to answer categories. it’s nice.

Pick Your Artist: jason mraz

Are you male or female: only human
Describe yourself: lucky
How do you feel about yourself: details in the fabric
Describe where you currently live: halfway home
If you could go anywhere, where would you go: galaxy
Your best friend is: curbside prophet
Your favorite color is: summer breeze
You know that: i’ll do anything
What’s the weather like: a beautiful mess
If your life was a tv show, what would it be called? wordplay
What is life to you: life is wonderful
What is the best advice you have to give: keep on hoping
If you could change your name, what would it be: bella (luna)
Your favorite food is: the dynamo of volition 

Today was a sad day. A few times a week I eat lunch served by the Krishna organization on campus. They serve an “all you can eat” meal that is vegetarian and costs $4, or $3.30 if you buy in bulk. It’s good food, healthy and easy. Today, as I retrieved my lunch, I was handed a flyer from one of the people serving lunch. It basically outlined that though the amount of food being served had grown by 20% since the same time last year, the donations (mandatory) had fallen 15%. Basically, people are stealing from the Krishnas (and overeating, which is obviously a problem throughout the country) by sharing with friends, taking extra food home, etc. I find this terribly disturbing, because while we all like to cut costs, these people are going against the very ideals represented by the religious organization. I’m definitely not a practicing Krishna, and I guess I could eveen say that I am struggling with religion in the larger sense, but I can’t help but question how people can shortchange these people who espouse traditions based on karma and peace. Terrible.

The capital of the United States has a higher percentage of HIV/AIDS than some African countries. Speechless.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day. Next year: Savannah. (Unless I have no car because I’m living in the city with the highest percentage of HIV/AIDS affected individuals.)

Bad headache. Worst possible time for the humidity of Florida to return, I wont miss these heat-moisture induced headaches. Not one bit.

Only worsened by this interview with Cheney, probably the person in the Bush administration I dislike most (I can’t say for sure with Rove, Libby, Gonzales, the choices are endless really.)

Says Cheney: “On the disastrous budget picture left behind, Cheney had this to say: “Eight months after we arrived, we had 9/11. We had 3,000 Americans killed one morning by al Qaeda terrorists here in the United States. We immediately had to go into the wartime mode. We ended up with two wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. Some of that is still very active. We had major problems with respect to things like Katrina, for example. All of these things required us to spend money that we had not originally planned to spend, or weren’t originally part of the budget.

“Stuff happens. And the administration has to be able to respond to that, and we did.”

Hm. First of all, you don’t just ‘end up’ with a war when you’re the invading country (not that we can say that it was ‘declared’ because as we all know, it was not). Secondly, some of it is still very active? Aren’t we still fully engaged in BOTH wars with hundreds of thousands of troops overseas still? Next, Katrina, really? He had the audacity to bring up Katrina as an event that caused the administration to take action? It was the complete and utter LACK of action that caused the uproar. Weeks without any FEMA aid, you’ve got to be kidding me. Katrina could quite possibly be the single greatest embarrassment of the administration, well along with the wars (especially Iraq), Guantanamo Bay, and the fact that Bush didn’t technically ‘win’ either election. I mean, at least with Katrina, the people who were hurt were actual U.S. citizens, as the administration held very little regard (if any) for anyone who WASN’T a naturalized citizen, you would think the least they could do would be to take care of their ‘own’ in a huge crisis situation following a natural disaster. But it just so happened that it was Louisiana, poverty stricken and with a majority population of African Americans, and miraculously the government failed to help them. All in all, the fact that he claimed that the Bush administration successfully ‘responded’ to the crises it faced is a bull-faced lie and well it’s frustrating. So I just had to vent that and now it’s off to get some alterations done and park in the library for the remainder of the day. 

 

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/white-house-watch/2009/03/cheney_to_us_stuff_happens.html?hpid=opinionsbox1