q paso

I missed my entry yesterday, as I figured I would. I couldn´t bear to part from my dreams the last morning, and thus missed my early morning contemplation and writing.

Real quickly I want to expel the bad feelings that I have towards the world. One of the sweetest girls here on this trip got robbed at gunpoint in the middle of the day, today. This is the fourth girl who has had to deal with this experience, and it sickens me to my core.  I don´t know what pushes people to be the way they are, but it is frightening and disgusting all the same.

I want to breathe, I want to walk away unaffected. I am used to such ease, I am used to not caring. I am used to my wall. I don´t want people to notice the faraway looks in my eyes, and I don´t want to seem like a daydreamer. And yet, at the very same time, I catch myself doing the opposite of what I would hope to do. And liking it. Butterflies and gentle breezes haunt my dreams, awake and asleep, sober and (not so sober); and I can´t seem to shake it, escape it. Instead I follow blindly down the winding path that could be my ruin, could be my ultimate mistake. But I jog nonetheless, (in my inappropriate wifebeaters) hoping to get there before time is called. I feel as I´ve never felt, while not feeling anything at all. And I fear. All I can ask, is QUE PASO? What in the world has happened to me?

The 10K looms ominously closer, today I ran half and was dead tired, soaked through with sweat, and felt like collapsing. Next Sunday it is. I only signed up for the free shirt, and it´s not even a Tshirt, but instead some stupid ventilating tank top that I´ll probably wear anyhow.

Como me duele no verte
Como duele en madrugada
Como dueles en los labios.